On my way to be a Chef Patissiere

Woohooo. 1 out of 6 terms done.

So how was the first term of school? I haven’t done much of the pastry subjects yet.. As part of the curriculum, I needed to go through some basic cookery, which was very fun anyway. I’ve never been a happier student. Achievement: I managed not to cut myself! For me, this is a very proud achievement. Hahaha.

I just took a scroll back to my Instagram feed one year ago, around October 2015. It was full of motivational non-sense quotes about pursuing dreams lalallalilili. Who would have thought that one year later, I would have been exactly right here, right now? Really living my dream.

Somebody please wake me up. This dream is just too good to come true. This must be a dream, because dreams don’t do come true right? That’s what they’ve been telling us all this time.

 

Etudiante en Patisserie

Wohoooo I’m like…officially a pastry student now. It’s really like ‘a dream comes true’. Long, long story before fate really brought me here to be ‘etudiante en patisserie’.

I can’t really explain in words the joy of being back to school. Even more, to be a student where I get to study about what I love. It’s not making me any money at the moment anyway, but… I couldn’t remember when I was happier than this moment in regards of getting a qualification or choosing a profession.

But still, I’m very new to this industry. There is no fail-proof guarantee that I’m gonna make it. It really is a tough industry. But probably, I might fit in this time.

And….there’s sooo many French terms! Wow I’d better gotta review my French. How funny it is, that I have been drawn into French long long long ago before I fell in love with cooking and baking. And who would have guessed! The French is like the mother of cuisine.

I know right? It just feels right.

A Simple Life

Over a month of hiatus. I’m still alive!

Things have been going on. No, no I haven’t forgotten this blog. Nor have I lost my passion in writing. It’s just that I didn’t know how to wrap it in a package of a blog post that’s worthy of reading.

It was funny to read my latest past posts which are mostly about chasing my dreams, following my passions, fear of failure, etc. Damn, I made it more dramatic than it really was.

I am not that ambitious anyway. A simple life is just enough. Simple means just being true. Being true to what my heart yearns for. Being honest to myself and everyone else. Being opened to all the endless possibilities of what myself can be, without the fear of judgement from others. Even if it means to leave behind a title that was considered as a professional or whatever. Even if it means having little or impossible possibilities of being rich.

After all, we’re all just a skeleton that’s surrounded by flesh and blood. (Sorry for the bad and gross analogy). If we’re ever to take a brief moment to humble ourselves before this massive universe… To realize that there is so much more to give than to receive. How beautiful it is to give sincerely. To love unconditionally.

Life is probably that simple anyway. Stay humble. Keep giving. Keep loving. Giving all the best you can. That’s a life worth living for.

There is nothing that can beat the joy of giving. Life is just that simple, really.

It’s NOT about following my dreams!

You read it right. It’s NOT about following my dreams. What? Are you serious? After all this rambling about following my dreams bla bla bla bla, now I say that it does NOT matter??

Yes, it doesn’t matter whether one day my dream will really come true or not. Of course, I will still fight for it and hope it will be a reality, but it isn’t about the end goal or the ambition.

In this post, I mention that I do know what I don’t want, but do not know what I want. Oh how could I be so silly? It’s just as simple as in a language test when you have to rewrite negative statement to positive without changing the meaning.

(-) I know that I don’t want to waste my lifetime doing something that I hate and wasting my talents.

(+) I know that I want to spend my lifetime doing something that I love and making use of my talents.

See? It’s as simple as that, isn’t it?

I don’t have to wait for ‘a dream comes true’, but rather I can start building a lifestyle that really resonates with my core value.

It’s simple, but maybe…not that easy.

Our days are mostly spent at work. Our lifestyle depends on what types of work that we do. I won’t try to convince anyone to shift their perspectives, but I’ll just be honest with what I have been longing all this time.

I have this longing of being able to make a living out of my creative talents. Not that because I want an easy life. In fact, life is not easy. Whatever we do, wherever we live, there will always be inevitable challenges.

I may be wrong at this…too naive to speak up, too young to understand, and too blind to see the truth… But maybe… deep inside our soul has this longing to be of use in this earth. It doesn’t have to something big, grant and noble. Even a small act of kindness can go a long, long way.

Acknowledgement and approval from others would be nice to know that we really contribute something. Material rewards help to pay the bills. But perhaps, what matter most is how sincere our heart is, to live the life that really speaks the truth from our heart, and to be of use.

I just gotta be honest. Writing a blog is hard. I keep trying to convince myself that I don’t need approval from others that they like what I write. The fact is I’m dying to know if my writings have been of any good for anyone. I keep trying to convince myself that I am not a people-pleaser, but OMG this thing just struck my mind today. I am really a people-pleaser. I do care how my works affect people. I am that naive kid who still dreams to change the world. Nothing will do any good to my sincere motivation unless that I admit and accept: I am a people-pleaser.

Isn’t that obvious? I love to write so that I can make impact, no matter how small it is, to other people’s lives. I love to cook and bake for the smile from the people who taste my food. I love to decorate and make things pretty to please people’s eyes. Hopefully what they see from the outside will bring happiness to inside their hearts too. That’s what I can think of to make my talents and myself to be of use. My happiness is really that simple.

The harsh truth for me that I have (hopefully) embraced is that: I can’t help and please everyone. Not everyone’s gonna love what I write, cook, bake, and create. Not even my own friends. I repeat, not even my own friends. But that’s okay. What I have to continue doing is doing what I can as long as I am still living on this earth. Whether it be writing, cooking, baking, creating things and stuffs. For my own kind of people. The right people will be there. Even if they’re just as few as my fingers on my hand, I still have to do what I have to do.

Most importantly, do it with a sincere heart.

To be of use.

Eliminate Negativity

If there is something I’ve learned recently is that..

Life is truly a choice. Happiness is just in the mind. We can’t control what happens to us and around us, but we can control our reaction towards it. That’s okay to be negative if that just comes naturally, but please keep moving forward. Negative thoughts will do good to no one. 

I liked to think that I was gonna be a failure. A homeless with no jobs and no directions. A failure who ended up failing apart when foolishly pursuing my dreams. 

Nothing’s wrong to be realistic and expect the worst possible outcome as dramatic as possible, but from my experience, it isn’t so good for the soul. It may even turn out to be true because of self-fulling prophecy. 

The fact is I still have no confidence in myself. I am afraid that what I can do is ONLY babbling about passion bla bla bla in my blog, but the reality is far from that… I am afraid that people will label me as a failure if I don’t live up to the standard of what I write in this blog and those inspiring posts I share in social media.

Far and foremost, I am afraid people will label me as UNREALISTIC. Because I have reached the age when people just start to give up on their dreams, or have already given up. You can call me naive and narrow-minded because these people may have different unique life circumstances, are not as lucky as I am, have more priorities, etc…that requires them to postpone and give up on their dreams. 

That’s okay. I accept that I am naive and narrow-minded. That my world is so small. That maybe I don’t deserve for ‘a dream comes true’. That I am just one of the ‘lucky’ one to even just have a blog to blabber about the dreams that are not guaranteed to come true. 

I know that not everyone’s gonna love what I write, not even my own friends. I know that not everyone’s gonna support me genuinely. I know that not everyone’s gonna get me. I know that not everyone’s gonna agree with me. 

Life is cruel and it can be so cruel. People can be so cruel. 

So what? 

Do I have to be so cruel as well? Do I have to be so negative and pessimistic to my own self so that no one’s gonna attack me? 

No I don’t. 

I have a choice not to dwell on the negativity of the world, of my own mind. I have a choice not to be the victim in a drama that I create myself. 

I have a choice to be positive and eliminate those negative thoughts.

If the world is already so cruel enough, shouldn’t we be the light? Just do things with a sincere heart. Fill life with positive things and supportive people. Feed the soul with positive mind. 

Who is there when you are happy?

I’m gonna tell you a truth. A harsh truth. 

Or probably, just my silly theory.

We like to think that true friends are the one who stay with us when we need help, in our darkest hours. 

The fact is…

Everyone in the whole world is with you when life brings you down. 

The whole world can create a cause just to raise funds to get out of your distastrous life occurance. 

It’s easy to get people symphatize when things go wrong. 

But. 

How many people are genuinely happy for you when you succeed, when you are happy, when you are just having the time of your life? 

I mean, genuinely happy for you. 

When you find them, treasure them with all your heart. 

Follow my heart

In the previous post (link), I mentioned about having a lovely AirBnb host, Angela. I could confidently declare that it was a life-changing experience for me.

She gave me a lot of advice about following my dreams and my heart. You know, all those cliche advice that you’re usually sick of reading or hearing from motivational books or speakers?

Maybe it was just different experiencing it directly, like face to face, having someone who said those cliche advice to your own face. And I know she just didn’t make things up. She spoke from her own experiences, from her heart.

It meant a lot to me personally because until this moment, I still remember her messages to me..

I am sure you’re gonna be alright. Right now, you are on the right track because you are following your own heart.

I know, she barely knows me. How could she know who I really am and how  I am on the right track? Right?

Yeah, right. She barely knows me. Everyone barely knows me actually.

I barely know me.

At most of times, I don’t know what I want. And when I feel like I do know, I change my mind again in seconds and I’m always back to square one: I don’t know what I want.

But I do always know one thing: I do know what I don’t want.

What I don’t want is always the same thing.

I know that I don’t want to waste my lifetime doing something that I hate and wasting my talents.

By talents, I am not saying I have many talents or that I am super talented. In fact, I am far from talented because during this 26 years of my life, I have been wasting by not sharpening my natural creative talents.

And I know for sure, that I won’t let that happen anymore.

I love making things. I love creating ideas. I love when I have that freedom of creating and thinking with just being myself. I fall in love with myself when I do things from the heart.

From this day on, I’m gonna fall in love with myself more and more each day.

Follow my heart. Do things from the heart.

Writing Challenge #11: Write about one of your holiday trip

This is part of The Potatato’s Writing Challenge. As promised in the previous post (link), here is my 11th writing challenge about my solo trip.

I’m not gonna talk about the details of the itinerary, costs, bla bla bla like what a travel blogger should do (cos I’m not a travel blogger anyway). I’m not even gonna attach the photos here. This is not a visual blog (and I’m still lazy to transfer all the photos). If you’re interested (which surely you’re not?), you can check my Instagram profile.

But okay, I’m still gonna tell you where I went. I traveled down under. I, in fact, moved down under.

Long short story, I decided to travel around to South Australia, Victoria, and Tasmania before ‘settling down’. A total of 6 weeks. 1 week with my best travel buddy. 5 weeks going solo.

Wasn’t it scary going solo? Oh hell it was. I have imagined the worst possible thing that could ever happen to me, which thank God, didn’t happen. I still survived safe and sound with no incidents whatsoever. Still in one piece.

I did consider to take note of every nearby police station from where I stayed just in case something happened, but I didn’t take note of any anyway. I dunno how I came up with a new perspective of: pretending to live there instead of just being a short term visitor.

I have never taken a note of where the nearby police station from where I have been living in my whole life and I’m still fine. So just take it lightly and everything will be okay. Fear will attract bad things. We attract what we think. This may not be the wisest travelling advice about safety though, so follow it at your own risks 🙂

I’m not gonna be able to cover all things in one post. I’ll definitely come back with more writings about my trip, but lemme tell you first about my most memorable encounter.

I met a very inspiring lovely lady. She was my AirBnB host for 7 days in a regional area, 72 km from Melbourne. I planned one ‘silent week’ in the middle of my trip where I supposed to do ‘nothing’, but relaxing.. Probably reflecting about life. But who knew… It has turned out to be absolutely more than doing ‘nothing’.

I had my first encounter with a lemon tree, my (and also my host’s) first  mushroom picking, learning how to distinguish poisonous and non-poisonous mushrooms, my first fresh eggs from the chicken coop (they were still warm!!), supplies of fresh herbs just right from the backyard, a river just down the road. It was really like Harvest Moon came to real life!

Not to forget that Mexican-inspired vegan dinner prepared by my very own host, Angela. Those interesting and inspiring stories about her amazing life.

And most importantly,

Her advice for me to pursue my dreams.

Honestly, I have never heard anyone, who said it face-to-face to me to “follow your dreams and the money will follow”. Yes, I have heard and read it countless times from videos or articles, but I’ve never met someone who told that to me. In person. Like personally. Like seriously, these people who “follow their dreams” are truly real.

Like real. True story.

Like…Right. In. Front. Of. My. Face.

And that means a lot to me.

You may be wondering though… “Really? What does she work as? How much does she make per month?” and so on. Because there are so much things to justify right? Because it won’t be just as simple as “follow your dreams and the money will follow”.

……..Right?

I’m not gonna tell you the full story (that’s her story anyway, not mine). Besides, I write this not to convince any of you to believe what I do believe. About pursuing dreams bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla.

Because why?

Because I don’t owe anyone to justify what I believe in.

Just like I don’t owe anyone to explain the reasons behind any decisions that I make in my life.

Just like I don’t owe anyone to justify and explain why I chose to move here without securing a job. And worst, to travel with no income in hand. Or why I moved at all.

Just like people don’t owe me to justify their life preferences and decisions.

So why do I write then? I don’t owe anyone to tell them my thoughts, right?

True.

I don’t owe everyone, not just anyone.

But I write and will keep writing for myself and the (very few) people who do enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it.