The double-edged swords

My worst nightmare of blogging has come true. It is not a fear of when a stranger misjudges me. It is a fear of when a close one misjudges me. It happened last night after this post.  I have written about this fear specifically when I started this blog in this post as well.

But how people interpret my writing is really up to them. A lot of their background factors do contribute. It is a variable out of my control.

I admit too it is part of my fault because I didn’t write explicitly what I meant, but again, that is the point of me writing a blog. I don’t want to publicly express all my personal feelings and thoughts like, literally. Hence, the mis-judgement and misunderstanding come into play.

I hope I don’t make another close friend ever thinks that I don’t appreciate their friendships and endless supports. Trust me, no blog posts and no photos in social media can do justice to express my gratitude towards them.

What I meant with that longing for a companion or a listening ear, is someone who can act like a mentor for me. Someone who has gone through the similar thing. Someone who is as foolish as I am, to quit his/her stable corporate job to pursue his/her passions. No one I ever know in person has ever done something as nearly foolish, because hey, I am surely the only fool living creature in my circle of friends and even in my family.

Back then, I did write about my solo-travelling experience and meeting Angela (here), a beautiful inspiring lady. She is the first person ever in my life, who has ever said to me, in person, in front of my face, to pursue my dreams, to believe in myself. Because having someone to say it in front of you, who has also personally experienced it, is worth more than 1000 inspirational ted talks altogether. That is the feeling that I long for, again. But of course, Angela can’t replace the friendships that have been forged on years ago.

Never.

As I realize, how important it is to have someone to have gone through the same thing, I want to be the same thing too to my friends. I am glad I can be their ‘Angela’, even though I know I may not have done enough. But I am truly honored to have some of them telling me that they feel inspired because of my foolishness to do a crazy career change. It has inspired them to chase their dreams too. I mean, there is no better feeling than that! It inspires me back, you know!

I am sincerely happy that at least, they have someone to turn to talk too, if they feel stuck and don’t know where to go. Because you know, there is no right or wrong answer, and every person has their own paths. I know how frustrating it can be. I am deeply glad that at least, they know someone in person who has done it. Someone as ordinary as me. Someone who is just like them. Someone who is also sailing foolishly in a voyage called ‘Chasing the dreams’.

That is something that I long for right now. Someone to look up to, as a mentor. Because I still wanna go forward. To do the best of my ability. To keep learning. But that is okay if I still have no one to depend on. It is probably best for me to find my own path. I am gonna be okay in the end. And I hope too, that my friends will do okay eventually.

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