“I don’t have what it takes.”

When I first signed up for the Patisserie course, I remember I said clearly to myself, “I don’t know what I’m getting myself into.”

I really didn’t know what I was getting my self into.

I was scared about, “I don’t have what it takes.”

This is definitely a tough industry. What made me think that “I have what it takes”?

Being able to bake up a storm at home does not reflect how the real industry works. It does not prove that I am really capable. What if I am just meant to be a home baker? What if this is just meant to be a hobby?

What if, “I don’t have what it takes.”

Now with Term 1 and 2 are done, I can finally sigh a relief. I survived.

I did survive.

Other than the failed club sandwich, I did really well. It is very rarely for me to acknowledge that I am proud of what I have done. I am usually not good with praise and compliments, or taking credits of what I have done. But for this, I do know that I have done very well.

There were many moments when I doubted myself. Thousands of them to be exact. Countless times where I thought, “Who do you think you are to become a chef? Are you out of your mind? This industry is not for someone who is known to be soft like you.”

And yeah, many other similar monologues inside my head. I didn’t really believe in myself. I doubt others did too.

Perhaps, you really would never know what you are capable of, unless you try.

One of my proudest creation at school so far:

IMG_1842.JPG

Deconstructed Strawberry Mousse Tart with Caramelized Rice Bubbles and Chantilly Cream

So there was a Masterchef Challenge where 2 people were given some ingredients, like the Mystery Box Challenge. The teacher assigned us a partner to work with. Since it was an odd number class, I was the lucky odd one. I was given two options. First, I could join any group that I wanted, but one extra ingredients would be given and we had to make 8 identical plates instead of 6. Or second, I could work on my own.

I didn’t know what came into me that day, but I was crazy enough to challenge myself to go solo. My original plan was nothing like the photo. It was too unrealistic to be produced in 1.5 hours. So I had to change plans on the spot but I was happy enough to still be able to produce 6 identical plates. It was one of the most handsome desserts in the room. I was a proud (soon-to-be) pastry chef!

I instantly knew at the moment that I am at where I really belong. Never once that it occurred in my mind so far, to go back to where I used to be.

I was also so damn lucky (like winning a lottery) to be assigned in my current work placement. I had a fear at first. Fear that I wouldn’t be able to keep up with the pace. I have never been any favorite employee to any bosses in all my professional life. I have always been the mediocre employee. History could probably repeat by itself, right?

But I’m truly lucky, blessed and grateful. I couldn’t imagine any better supervisor to work with. I was over the moon when she handed me back the evaluation form. I know that this sounds so bad. It makes me look like I am very hungry for approval, which I am.

This is the first time ever in a professional setting where I have ever received a good feedback. So this means a lot to me. I do know that I must not depend my self-worth on this one piece of feedback sheet, but still it does mean a lot to me. For I finally know that I am not such a pain-in-the-ass person to work with.

Riesta worked very hard during her time here. She is very interested and eager to learn about pastry. It was a pleasure having her work with us as she has a pleasant ‘can-do’ attitude.

And that’s how I ended my the first chapter on my way to be a pastry chef. There is still a story about a failed sandwich. Probably next time.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s