Well, I’m not the best person out there to write a topic about b-e-a-u-t-y, be it outer beauty or inner beauty. But hey, that’s where the challenge is, right? Honestly, I have no idea on how to write this challenge. Write a how-to-improve-your-inner-beauty? Write a how-important-inner-beauty-than-outer-beauty? I mean, who am I? So let’s just approach this through my subjective and personal lenses.
Warning: my story will be boring.
I grew up believing that I wasn’t beautiful. All I knew was that I was a fat kid, a misfit, a person who was just not normal. Sounds familiar, right? You hear similar stories all over the world about how insecure girls are. So, I wasn’t really different from others though.
Oh I forgot
(on purpose) to mention something. I have a big red-coloured birthmark on my left face. A lot of people, families, friends, assured me that I had to be confident despite of this since I was…. 5, maybe? At that time, I wasn’t even aware of what being confident was all about. Was I really not confident because of my birthmark? Or was I just a little kid who was just more shy and quiet than others? Until now, I’m still 100% certain that even without my birthmark, I would have been that same shy-quiet-socially-awkward-little-girl in your school.
But apart from the speech about how to be confident, I was raised like a normal kid. I didn’t realize I was different from the outside. I mean, yeah I knew I was different, but that wasn’t really a problem right? Until maybe….the time I heard other kids mocking me, calling me as a ghost or a monster. And it still happened until I was in junior high school. I would be a liar to say I was not hurt. Well, it indeed put my confidence to its lowest possible level.
And being me, I have been kind of a…rebel. When my peers were starting to care about putting on make-ups, wearing pretty clothes, having menicure-pedicure etc, I said no to all of those pretty lovely things. I wanted to fight the world and I wanted to win the battle. I wanted to scream, “Hellooooo I do not need that. I am fine with my condition. Why don’t you all stop caring about my looks???”
Yeah. I was that dramatic.
But no matter how rebellious I was from the inside, I was extremely insecure. I hated me for being not pretty enough, even far from pretty. Fat. Ugly. Monstrous??
I didn’t know how it has gotten better. There wasn’t any big turning point. I guess over time, I realize what’s actually important, that looks are not everything. I became to realize how really blessed I am, because even with this monstrous look, I still have families and friends who really love me like a normal person.
Wait, who said I wasn’t normal?
And now I kinda take it as an advantage too. A big advantage to save money hahahaha! Because I know that in order to cover my birthmark fully, I have to wear a very thick layer of foundation, maybe 3x thicker than ‘normal’ people do. I’ll need so much money, time, effort just to wear a mask every-s-i-n-g-l-e day. So it’s just as well that I don’t care about make-up at all. Save money, save time. Or I can go for a laser treatment which I had done for a few times when I was young but eventually stopped. Because hey, this isn’t a disease and genetic. Don’t worry, I won’t spread any virus.
Rather than trying to hard to find ways to fix something that isn’t wrong, why don’t I just accept it. It is truly liberating and it sets me free. Sometimes, people still do ask question about my birthmark, but I don’t take it personally anymore, so don’t worry. I was even able to joke about it when a doctor asked whether it had expanded in size compare to when I was still young. I told her, “Of course it is much bigger now, because my face is getting bigger and chubbier.” We laughed. I knew what she actually meant though.
Maybe others will not get me. Why am I so happy while living this ‘curse’
(someone did call it as a curse back then). Everyone can call it whatever they want, but I shall call it as a gift. A beautiful gift from my Creator. It has taught me to see through what is invisible to the eye. And I think that’s what it really means by inner beauty.
Inner beauty isn’t just about beautiful character, personality, etc. Inner beauty lies in every single being, human, animals, or plants, even the sun, moon, and all the living Force
(because now is all about Star Wars hype). It can’t be seen by our eyes, but our hearts.
It is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye. -Antoine de Saint-Exupery in The Little Prince