I have to admit honestly that I had some dilemma prior to writing this blog. Okay, writing is not a huge deal (especially for me who likes to blabber regularly in my journal), but making it public is really a huge deal.
What I mean is not making it public to strangers, but to the people who know me well in real life. It carries the risks that they will judge me or probably are surprised…because I don’t write like the way I talk in real life. I am more to the listener. I am always the quiet (if not, the quietest) one.
It may seem just like a little thing that I shouldn’t be bothered at all, but it is really scary for me to be judged. It is like putting a sign which reads “Please judge me” in front of my bedroom door.
So why do I make a blog? Why do I even have to write this post?
What I know for sure is that: I don’t want to waste my life without producing any pieces of writing. I don’t want to regret of not using this gifts of writing in my death bed. I know that I won’t forgive myself if I waste it. Since writing is a part of me, I would like to make sure that the people who know me, or at least, those whom I cherish, are aware of this side of me… Even though this means putting them into a risk of hating me more (or loving me more maybe? Hahaha).
Wonder why am I so sentimental this time? Actually, I always am. I realize I have been writing only about positive things in this blog. I have made a rule of thumb to never ever show any signs of sadness, desperation, dramas, insecurities, or weakness in this blog. I thought that if I have nothing good to write, it is better not to write at all. But somehow, I know I have lied to myself. I know I am not that strong. I am not that optimistic. I am vulnerable. I have my flaws. I have my weaknesses. I have my bad days. I have my sadness. And I know that I need to embrace them as they are also a part of me. It also reminds me of the Inside-Out movie which I have just watched last Friday, that it is okay to embrace sadness. Sometimes, it is the only way to feel liberated.
I hope that along my writing journey, I can be not just a better writer, but also a better person. I hope that I won’t annoy my friends too much to check out my blogs too often.. Honestly, I really feel so bad about this because it is so self-centered to waste their time… To be less selfish is indeed an art.
I hope that even though I don’t write like the way I talk, or maybe when I really sound like a different person when I write, they would still accept me the way I am.
I hope that I too, continue to learn to accept and appreciate them in all their quirky ways of doing, thinking and living.
I hope too, that I can accept and love myself the way I am with all my strengths and weaknesses. Self-love is indeed a skill that needs a lot of practices to acquire.
I know I can’t get everyone to like me and this blog might even welcome more people to hate me more than to like me *drama mode: on* but anyways, this is life, isn’t it? We can’t please everyone. Those who mind don’t matter. Those who matter don’t mind. Yeah, hopefully those who really matter don’t really mind 😉