The return of the Jedi

Oops. The title is just a click bait. (Not really tho. At least I wore my Yoda T-shirt today. )

Okay so I have returned to the reign of Social Media by posting 11 photos on Instagram today. Wooohoo spamming power! I think I will keep this posting habit of ‘many posts at once’ instead of ‘posting one by one in a more regular basis’. 

I have thought of sharing less and scrolling less. I even thought of completely stop posting photos for good. But now.. I’m reconsidering this silly decision.

If used wisely, social media surely has more positive impacts in our lives.. I did this ‘social media fasting’ in a hope to find more reasons to stop it altogether, but oh God, I only can find more reasons to not stop. Life is funny.. it exactly knows how to tempt you. 

Recently,

  • Someone I admire just opened her coffeeshop/patisserie outlet
  • A friend is raising a compaign for her first upcoming book about inspiring women artists
  • A friend asked a book recommendation on Instagram after I shamelessly posted my 2017 reading challenge achievement

Those are the things that would have never happened and I would have never known of, if it wasn’t for social media. These are my reasons to keep going on.. to keep believing that if it is used wisely, it can continue to provide a platform for us to inspire each other. 

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Perfectly Imperfect

Recently I have been listening to this podcast, Perfectly Imperfect. The newest episode is kinda related to me right now. It is funny on how the universe works right?

About a month ago, I wrote that I was kinda in an uninspired state in this post. Kinda looking for a role-model whom I can look up to, because I have been so uninspired and everything was kinda draining for me.

I’m really thankful for this podcast. It feels like I am growing with these two amazing and wonderful women. It is really important for us to keep being enlightened in a positive environment. Perhaps, it works from the inside out. When we project those positive energy from the inside, we will be drawn to more positive energy from the outside.

On the side note, if you remember Angela, she is publishing a book! Back then when I met her (click here for more stories), she told me that she was writing a book about women artists in Upper Yarra Valley area. It was such an inspiring experience for me to have met her and listened to her stories in person. I am so, so happy and inspired when I came a chance this video that she shared on Facebook (yes, this is one example of how social media can be so powerful to spread positive and inspiring news).

Such a good reminder of how it is important to stay free spirited to pursue our dreams, to contribute to this world for a greater good, as cliche as it sounds.

Reading Challenge

So I have completed my 2017 Goodreads Reading Challenge. I have read 30 out of 30 books by 11th July 2017.

Whaaaatt? Hooraaaaaaaay. Congratulations! What an achievement!

Umm.. nah, not really. Considering that I had 5 months of unemployment?

Anyone can do better.

On a serious note, it truly is an achievement, in a sense that I have re-acquired my reading habit now. Reading is not something in my wish-to-do-list anymore. It is a part of my life now.

I lost my reading habit since I went to university in 2008. This lasted for 6 years, until I started to pick up my reading habit again in 2014. I finally joined this Goodreads Reading Challenge in 2016 where I have succeeded to read 24 out of 24 books. It has been really a good platform to track my reading habit. And surprise, surprise, I’m still gonna do this challenge, even though I have completed this year’s challenge.

But seriously, I would have never achieved this if not for the ‘privilege’ of being an unemployed for 5 months. Sometimes life is funny, huh?

 

 

Selfless vs Selfish

As I mentioned in the previous post, I still haven’t been able to draw the boundary between being selfish and selfless. I am not sure on how to address this issue (or whether it is an issue at the first place). It would make me sound like an ungrateful whinny bitch to exaggerate this, but…let’s try…at least try not to make it sound as a first-world problem.

Everytime I went back home, I always feel guilty about the unpopular choice that I made. Moving to a new country is still acceptable, but changing career? That’s new.

I am not saying that I doubt my choice, nor do I have any regrets about it. I have passed the phase when I was having self-doubts and calling myself stupid etc. But still I haven’t been able to release myself from feeling guilty.

Probably deep down I still feel that I don’t deserve it, especially when I come back home and see how others keep doing what they do. They keep on going and do not quit like I did.

It made me think, “Who am I to deserve all this goodness?”. I am not saying that I am more fortunate than the others. I have no rights to feel or say that at all. I understand that it is a personal choice, but I still can’t see why I can choose differently, because I am just the same as the others. And it made me feel guilty.

I know I sound like a hypocrite right now. Admitting feel guilty, but enjoying my new life style at the same time… It is exactly what a hypocrite will do.

I have heard about self-love and self-care, that we should take care of ourselves first by chasing our own happiness, before we are able to give back freely and fully with love to the others. On the contrary, as a friend mentioned once, that in our Asian culture, we should put others’ need first above our own. I have failed that, for sure…

What if that to walk on our path, we have to disappoint those who are close to us?  I surely had quite a hard time to convince my family about this unpopular choice, though not that dramatic. Eventually, everything turns out fine, at least at the surface.

I hope that I don’t create a false assumption of a drama happening right now. There is no drama whatsoever. There is no one who confronts me about this during my current holiday. And yeah, that is why. The fact that no one confronts about it anymore, makes me feel uncomfortable and guilty. When they did back then, I resented them for it and became so defensive, but now when everything is at peace, I made my own drama with this guilty blah-blah thoughts..

Oh well.

Decluttering

I did some old books and clothes decluttering today at ‘home’ home. Yeah, including those books that I’ve never read and clothes that I’ve never worn.

I was never properly taught about personal financial management. I guess I have learned it the hard and expensive way in real-life experiences. Buying those clothes, books, other stuffs that I didn’t need only to end up unworn/unread/unused before being donated. Well, at least they still all ended up for a good cause…

After moving down under, especially after 6 weeks of backpacking last year, I have become to realize that I could actually survive with a 9-L backpack worth of daily essentials. I made a pact with myself when I moved last year, to not shop any more clothes for the next 3 years. To this date, I have survived a year without shopping. Two more years to go.

Of course, there were many times when I was tempted to shop, especially when it came to a nice dress that would really fit me well, on SALE, on a very very good deal. What could go wrong right? Nothing to lose…only a few bucks wouldn’t hurt… but then I was reminded with all my clothes in the wardrobe, that have been cut off to one-third of its original capacity like a few years back.. And you know what? Even after being cut off to one-third, I only wear one-third of those in daily basis… So, it comes down to only one-ninth of my used-to-be wardrobe a few years back, when I was still living that ‘stable’ life with a ‘secure’ job.

It took me all those years to learn the lesson of ‘only buy what you need’. It has been such a liberating act for me to be a ‘minimalist’ for this past one year. It provides me with more spaces to keep other things (tangible or intangible) that are more important in life.

Similarly, I am trying to declutter my online or social media habits. I have deleted the social media apps in my phone to unlearn my habit and dependency on social medias.

Guilty that I am, also about interacting with my friends, for it has been taking me forever to reply a single message these days…but it is just something that I need to do, even as selfish as it sounds. Yes, selfishness.. I still haven’t been able to figure out how to set the boundary between self-care and selfishness. Not yet.

Being Clumsy

Just watched this video on YouTube about being clumsy.

LOL the blueberries spilling on the kitchen floor was literally what happened to me during my first evening shift on my own.

Still having a hard time to accept and forgive this side of clumsiness in me, sometimes. But I’m getting better at it.

What I should focus on is not how to be perfect, but not to be hard on myself when things like that do happen. When I make mistakes. When I am clumsy.

Getting better?

The last day of work before holiday! 

I still missed some details at work. They’re tiny but yet can’t be ignored. I guess I am getting better at handling mistakes. Of course I still feel upset about it. But now I am trying to just forgive myself and move on, instead of dwelling too much in my drama. 

Probably because of the environment is very good and supportive. It motivates me to be better because they are all good people. I feel like I have to improve to show my gratitude and appreciation. 

There are still times when I doubt myself, “am I fit in in this kind of tough environment?” Because I am clumsy, clumsy, and basically just clumsy. Probably a slow learner too. 

But now I am trying to focus on each task as best as I could. I am trying hard not to be distracted once I make a mistake. I am trying not to make the small incident affect my next task. Like someone said to me, just move on. When the work is over, you can think again about the mistake and evaluate it. But don’t think about it during the work itself. Just go on. 

Don’t sweat the small stuff

I used to sweat the small stuff. Well I still do, but I think I am getting better at it. I am still learning to do it right.

I realized recently that somehow.. I have started to use a different approach when I was encountered a bad day. I was still upset though but I am trying not to dwell with it for as long as I used to. I think it has been a good practice. 

There were some points recently when I simply had no energy to even share what I have been through to some of my friends. Not because of I don’t trust them or I want to keep it a secret. But I just simply have no more energy and desire to talk about it. The more I talk about it, the more drained I become. 
The purpose of venting out is to let yourself feel relieved, but it is currently doing me the opposite : it draines me. So I guess it is better to just ‘Don’t sweat the small stuff’ from now on?