Grief – Part 1

Part 1, because… there are just too many layers to talk about it. I don’t usually talk about it.. because it is just one of the topics that is too much to handle emotionally.

From what I have learned, grief comes and goes. It won’t get better through time. It can get worse and worse through time.

It definitely changes your perspective on how you see life. Life is just too short for things that don’t matter.

Those people whom you have taken for granted, won’t always be here forever.

Someday, you’ll need to say goodbye.

The scariest part is:

You just don’t know when, who’ll go first and who’ll stay to say goodbye.

 

Book Exchange

Heard about it from a friend. Excited because, why not?? Re-installed some apps on my phone. Posted it LITERALLY everywhere on social media. Still so excited. Until someone told me that it might be a scam. What, what, what is wrong with sharing books with a stranger. Oh wait.. Ya it was wrong in some way. So removed this and that part. Well you know, like a disclaimer in a restaurant: ‘may contain traces of gluten and nuts’. Re-posted it again, now in a more politically correct way. At least now I sound smarter than I actually am, and so that no one can attack anymore. Still excited now even though I don’t want to put on too high hopes that anyone will join. But never mind, right. I just do it for fun. Because, why not??

Sunday Funday

Woke up at 5 am after a dream which I forgot, but was aware that I was talking in my sleep. As usual like what normal people do nowadays, checked up my phone. Couldn’t turn it on. Oh that’s okay, I thought. Went to toilet. Returned to check my phone again. Still no sign of life. Okay, so my phone just died on me. Panicked now. Panicked here and there. Spent 2 hours to figure out this and that. Finally just decided to give up. Oh whatever it was just a phone, anyway… Went to church to pray for a miracle that my phone would somehow work again.. (no joke). And oh well, let’s just bring it to the repair center. And of course miracles, miracles, it worked again! End of story.

To be free

Yeay 7 consecutive working days done! Years ago I would never do such thing. 5 normal working days was a struggle. Funny how things turned out huh?

Lesson learned: keep calm, and be organized. A good organization is the key!

It seems that I still need so much to learn even the basic skills. The good thing is I have much more positive attitude towards making mistakes, even compared to a year ago. It feels good to not define my worth by my silly mistakes. Even repeated mistakes. I am a slow learner, but not a bad learner.

It also feels like achievements are not so important to me anymore. What are those for anyway?

I am also better at not pleasing everyone. I am glad to be who I am today, to see how much I have grown.

I guess there is some truth about ‘Ignorance is a bliss’. Not that we do not care at all, but we care more about stuffs that actually matter. Not the one that don’t matter.

Growing up isn’t scary at all. It makes you free. I think a true success means to be able to freed yourself from other’s expectation, to be free from grudge, to just be more forgiving.

5/7

5 out of 7 working days done. 2 more to go!

It was quite a relief how things have gone much better than I thought. I anticipated this week with anxiety. Big day is tomorrow but I am all good. All is well-organized and prepared. No more anxiety and stress!

Anna Karenina

Just a self-note to myself to read the book.

Just watched the movie today from a DVD that I borrowed from the library.

Loved the style of the movie. Kind of theatrical, artistic style.

Loved the story despite of the not-so-happy ending (spoiler, spoiler).

Still can’t decide if I prefer this to Pride and Prejudice.

Just saying.

Disconnected

So I deleted my FB and IG apps on my phone about a month ago just before I was going for a holiday. I just didn’t want to be distracted and end up scrolling feeds instead of cherishing moments with my family.

I do wonder though, how do people upload insta-stories all the time?? Like, literally all the time! Because for me, despite the fact that I love taking pictures, sometimes I just want to keep my camera away and be present to enjoy the scenery without any distraction on how to think to take good pictures.

So yeah, about a month passed, and I kinda used to it now, having no social media on my phone. I still open it on my laptop, so I’m not totally disconnected after all. But it really made a difference.

I just feel more… peaceful, I guess? If that’s the right word for it.

Just peaceful.

I think more people feel more entitled to voice out their opinions/voice/whatever due to easy access to social media. I must admit I was one of those people. But I share less than ever this past one month.

Well, I just think… not everyone should read what I think? As I shouldn’t read what everyone’s thinking. That doesn’t mean I’ll stop caring about certain issues that I care about. I still do, but I just think, I shouldn’t be too caught up about it? Sure, it’s cool to follow what is happening in the world, but…. you know, have some boundaries? Too much information is never good.

I am sure I have read somewhere before about a research (not sure if it’s a legit one though) saying that the lonelier people are, the more often they share on social media (unless obviously, if they earn their living from it, duh). I think that should hold some truth in it, don’t you think? Because what we want is to draw attention, right? (but of course there are more motives beyond that such as spreading awareness of a certain cause etc, but let’s not get into that) The likes, the comments… but of course, I’m not against it, because I, too, have been inspired by many people through social media. I think maybe.. just be more thoughtful about your motivation.

Oh yes I know, I know, what’s the difference with blogging then? Isn’t it quite the same? Well, yeaaaah kind of. But…… it’s just a more appropriate platform to voice out opinions like this? I know no one reads this, but seriously, who cares? (I did care a lot though back then, but this girl has grown a looooooooooot since then, indeed).