Why do I care?

Sometimes I ask myself, why do I care about external issues that don’t directly have impact on me?

Life is already hard, why make it more difficult?

Why do I care?

I don’t know. I just can’t not care. I just can’t.

Isn’t it enough?

Advertisements

What FEMINISM means to me (Part 1)

Woahh woahhh so before anyone attacks me, let me defend myself by attacking myself…

Woah woahhh you’re a feminist??

Do you know what it means??

Whyyyy? Are you okayyyyy? 

Are you aware the word can bring up world war 3??? It is not good as you think it is!!!

Yeaaaa yeaaaa yeaaaa……….

So yeah, I have a LOT to say about this topic. A LOT.

But it is not because of whether I have experienced anything significant or traumatic in my life as a woman. I am grateful for whatever privilege that I was born to. My annoyance towards sexism is just only one of any other first world problem. Other than experiencing cat-calling when I was in high school (and for being not aware at all at that moment, that it was categorized as one type of verbal sexual harassment), I have pretty much good life growing up as a female human.

So much things now to debate about this one word. What is the true definition from the dictionary. Third wave feminism. (what so there is first and second wave?). White feminism. Then what I learned recently, intersectional feminism.

I have been always reluctant to mention the word ‘feminist’ in any of my social media. If there is, it is only part of an article title. Because I was sooo afraid of the judgement from people (that don’t matter, anyway). Because I feel like I was not in any place to speak up about it. It is just too complex. Even Emma Watson has earned thousands of haters for her UN speech.

But hey… I don’t have to be expert on it (who does really? even the ‘experts’ still have to deal with many criticism). True, my story can’t represent the voice of the girls in Africa or India. Or the gender pay gap among Hollywood celebrities. But, I can still have a voice about what it is like growing up as a Chinese Indonesian female. (even though again, it is nothing compared to the other side of the world, just one of those first world problem… I’m just another young girl bitching about her privilege, huh)

Different stories from all over the world. That’s the word. Different.

Different perspective. Different stories.

Thanks to Emma Watson’s newest letter to her book club in Goodreads “Our Shared Shelf”. (click here) I really, really salute her for admitting her ‘mistakes’ and ignorance for being a white feminist, and that she is willing to change and focus more on intersectional feminism. Her letter both opened my eyes about my ignorance and at the same time, made me realize that it is okay to have limited knowledge about this issue. I don’t have to wait to have the perfect knowledge to have a say about it. (besides, there is a thing called the INTERNET). Tell a story from my own perspective, but also listen to others’.

I found this yesterday. Really love it, but honestly I have no courage yet to share it in my social media account. Haha maybe someday. But first, here.

fem11

source : feministatic.com

 

So yeah, this is the part 1 of What FEMINISM means to me. I’m excited for this new writing series! Can’t wait. Oh and I have things to say too about sexism towards MEN (not only women! Gender equality, people!!!), at least from what I observe in my upbringing.

PS: See?? This is why I need a blog !!!

————–

Feeling like a nerd? More resources for you…

Feminism 101

Emma’s bookclub

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s TED talk

People called Emma Watson a ‘white feminist.’ Now, she admits, they weren’t wrong.

Emma Watson’s Comments On “White Feminism” Are A Lesson In Self-Awareness & Intersectionality

 

Why I need a blog

Sooooo this blog is alive againnn! I am sure no one noticed but my blog was deactivated for … two weeks! right after I wrote this post.

Why oh why? Well, I thought yeah what’s the point? If no one needs my writing, then why make it public? What’s the point of sharing if I can’t make a change/influence to the world outside me? If I want to write for myself, why don’t I just write in my private journal (which I already have anyway)? What is it for to share to the public? Everyone got their own opinions, thoughts and life experiences, why should I, a nobody, share my opinions, thoughts and life experiences? Even if I need a media to share my thoughts, why don’t I just social media? It is more convenient, and has more audiences since everyone is on their smartphone screen literally every seconds!

Why oh why?

After 2 weeks of (not so) serious contemplation….. I decided to re-activate my blog! Surprise, surpriseeee!!!

Yes, I can write in my private journal if I want to write for myself. But at least, I still want to write PROPERLY once in a while, with decent grammar and writing structure. Private journal for me means, I can write anyhow however kalo cuma buat diri sendiri mah bodo amat deh no one will care about grammar like this haha whatevs right it is good you know cos you just write write you can even campur campur bahasa indo juga jadi kayak gini, singkat2 jg bisa loh hoho, enaklah pokoknya ga ad aturannyaaaa.

Yes, I can share my thoughts in my social media account (like what I did recently about feminism – apa sih taaaaa???? emang lu tau feminism itu apa??? ga bagus tau artinya di luar sanaaaa. sok banget sihhhhhhh), but! I just think it is not really the right platform. It is okay once in a while, but blog has better tools for archives, etc than social media.

And the most important reason is because THIS IS ME !!!

I am the type of person who communicates better in writing rather than speaking. If I stop blogging, it means like I am violating my human right to speak up my voice! Oh so dramatic! But on serious note, if you know me, I am more on the quiet side in terms of face-to-face social setting, unless you really, really know me. Even if you really, really know me, there are still some things that I can only express in a form of a BLOG POST, than face-to-face interactions. No blog equals to killing me softly. It means I have to silenced out some part of me. Oh that must be hurt, rightttttttttt.

It also crossed my mind that many people don’t have a blog. There are MORE people who DO NOT have a blog than who do have, and they can survive, so why can’t I??? Oh so I thought, but then again, it is because they are them. I am me. THIS IS ME. They don’t need a blog, so what? But I do, so I do.

Who cares if this blog is ever gonna bring good to anybody. This blog will at least keep me sane as a human. Knowing that I always have a place that feels like home to speak my voice is enough.

Yeah sure, you can have friends to turn to when you need to talk, etc, but let’s just admit the sad truth of being an adult, sometimes you just don’t. Or just can’t. Even if you’re married, even if you have 10 kids and 1000 grandchildren. You still need a space / a platform / a place / whatever to be yourself. It could be a hobby, a prayer, a blog, a god, anything.

For me, blog is one of those things. (and I still have many other things… Life is awesome)

This is me

Expectations.

Going home this time.. it just feels different. I start to feel the pressure. It is always there, but this time, it just feels more real.

28 is the age when people at my age are either planning to get married or having babies. Parents feel this pressure too, especially when everyone’s kids but their own is getting married.

Maybe you may think it is not such a big deal. I tried to think that way too. The thing is, the fact that I am okay not following the norms, doesn’t guarantee my family (especially grandparents and extended families) to think that way too.

And I hate it so much. so much.

So much.

I hate it so much the fact that I can live independently on a foreign country and start a whole new career from zero all by myself, still can’t assure them of my survival unless I carry out ‘my duty as a woman to get married’.

It upsets me even further because they are the people that do matter. Of course I do want them to be happy with who I have become, because they do matter.

This is one thing that I am still struggling with, but I have learned that no matter what I do, I can’t make other people happy. Just like no one can make me happy except myself.

What I can do is not focusing on how to satisfy the older generations, but to pray so that they can find peace within themselves too. I know it is hard especially it has been engrained so much for years. It is part of the tradition/culture…. but I hope they can find it.

The fact that I have disappointed some of them by leaving my so-called-stable engineering job, it is already too late anyway. I might just as well do things that make me, me, and be who God created me to be.

It feels amazing, you know. That feeling when you freed yourself from others’ expectation and just be your authentic self. I am still a work-on-progress, but I can already smell the air of freedom from far beyond. How awesome is that.

I am who I’m meant to be. This is me.

I am exactly who God created me to be. That’s the only one thing that matters.

PS: I wrote a short story that inspired from this thought too. Click here to read.

A serious question

What is the point of me having a (public) personal blog if everyone has a different story? And I kinda have given up of speaking my voice just simply because I don’t give a shit anymore lol. Life is too short to deal with the small stuffs. 

I was so eager to make a change and to inspire, but it seems like it doesn’t matter anymore. 

Let me do me. Let them do them. 

Maybe I’ll deactivate this blog for good. Who knows. 

Losing myself in my dream job

The problem with me working too much lately isn’t because of the exhaustion. I do love my job, but I’ve kinda forgotten the real purpose of why I am doing it at the first place.

The benefit with me working too much is more income. But if money were what I were looking for, I wouldn’t have pursued this career at the first place. That is why money is not an enough motivation, especially when it is the only incentive available.

The problem is my unawareness with the possibility of losing myself in my dream job.

Nobody talks about what it is after you landed the dream job. Nobody talks about how it is important to stay courageous even after you take the leap of faith.

Nobody talks about the courage to stay true to yourself. Because the temptation of security and stability is always there.

The right thing that I can do now is to take a few steps back to remind myself of what I want, of what my purpose is. Why I love it at the first place.

I’m grateful for the fact that I can save myself before I fall down to the ‘trap’. Again. I just don’t wanna feel trapped again, blaming on the circumstances, while actually I do have a choice to take control of my own life. It is a privilege, yes, and I am lucky enough, yes. Just very lucky enough. But still it is a gift that I have to make use of for a purpose rather than to satisfy my own needs.

The return of the Jedi

Oops. The title is just a click bait. (Not really tho. At least I wore my Yoda T-shirt today. )

Okay so I have returned to the reign of Social Media by posting 11 photos on Instagram today. Wooohoo spamming power! I think I will keep this posting habit of ‘many posts at once’ instead of ‘posting one by one in a more regular basis’. 

I have thought of sharing less and scrolling less. I even thought of completely stop posting photos for good. But now.. I’m reconsidering this silly decision.

If used wisely, social media surely has more positive impacts in our lives.. I did this ‘social media fasting’ in a hope to find more reasons to stop it altogether, but oh God, I only can find more reasons to not stop. Life is funny.. it exactly knows how to tempt you. 

Recently,

  • Someone I admire just opened her coffeeshop/patisserie outlet
  • A friend is raising a compaign for her first upcoming book about inspiring women artists
  • A friend asked a book recommendation on Instagram after I shamelessly posted my 2017 reading challenge achievement

Those are the things that would have never happened and I would have never known of, if it wasn’t for social media. These are my reasons to keep going on.. to keep believing that if it is used wisely, it can continue to provide a platform for us to inspire each other. 

Perfectly Imperfect

Recently I have been listening to this podcast, Perfectly Imperfect. The newest episode is kinda related to me right now. It is funny on how the universe works right?

About a month ago, I wrote that I was kinda in an uninspired state in this post. Kinda looking for a role-model whom I can look up to, because I have been so uninspired and everything was kinda draining for me.

I’m really thankful for this podcast. It feels like I am growing with these two amazing and wonderful women. It is really important for us to keep being enlightened in a positive environment. Perhaps, it works from the inside out. When we project those positive energy from the inside, we will be drawn to more positive energy from the outside.

On the side note, if you remember Angela, she is publishing a book! Back then when I met her (click here for more stories), she told me that she was writing a book about women artists in Upper Yarra Valley area. It was such an inspiring experience for me to have met her and listened to her stories in person. I am so, so happy and inspired when I came a chance this video that she shared on Facebook (yes, this is one example of how social media can be so powerful to spread positive and inspiring news).

Such a good reminder of how it is important to stay free spirited to pursue our dreams, to contribute to this world for a greater good, as cliche as it sounds.